Keriah (Tearing the Garment)
Immediate relatives—specifically children, parents, siblings, and the spouse of the deceased—are obligated to publicly express their profound grief by performing Keriah, the tearing of their clothes over the heart. This act is a powerful and visible manifestation of a torn heart. This ritual is typically performed just before the funeral service begins, though some communities may follow the custom of doing it immediately after passing or at the gravesite.
The Hesped (Eulogy)
The purpose of a Hesped, or eulogy, is twofold, based on the principle to “let the living take to heart”:
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To Remember the Good: To speak of the virtues, good deeds, and positive impact the deceased had on the world, allowing the community to feel the depth of their collective loss.
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To Inspire the Living: To encourage those present to learn from the deceased’s example and incorporate those lessons into their own lives. A Hesped can be delivered by the officiating Rabbi, family members, friends, or anyone who knew the person.
The Lavayah (Escorting the Deceased)
The Hebrew term for a funeral, Lavayah, literally means “accompaniment” or “escorting.” While traditionally, the coffin was carried on the shoulders from the place of service to the cemetery, modern distances often make this impossible.
Nevertheless, it is a significant Mitzvah—known as Halvayat HaMet—to fulfill the sacred duty of “escorting the deceased.” This is achieved by walking behind the coffin for some distance, either before it departs for the cemetery or at the cemetery as it is taken from the hearse to the final resting place.
The Kevurah (Burial)
The physical act of returning the body to the earth is a Jew’s final act of Chesed (kindness) and devotion. It is considered a momentous Mitzvah to physically participate in the Kevurah.
Ideally, the entire grave should be filled in by hand, using a shovel, by fellow Jews. When this is not feasible, at the absolute minimum, the coffin must be completely covered with earth.
At this solemn moment, Tzidduk Hadin is recited—a series of verses that affirm G-d’s ultimate righteousness, even in the face of immense personal tragedy. This is followed by the recitation of the Kaddish and the El Malei Rachamim (Prayer of Mercy).
[Download the Text for Tzidduk Hadin, the Kaddish, and El Malei Rachamim]
Comforting the Mourners
The process of mourning (Avelut) and extending comfort to the bereaved begins immediately after the burial is completed, while still in the cemetery. Those attending the service form two parallel lines, creating a pathway of support. The mourners, who have already removed their leather shoes, walk through this embrace of community. As they pass, those standing in the lines recite the traditional Hebrew words of comfort:
Hamakom yenacheim etchem betoch shaar avelei tziyon v’yerushalayim. (“May the Almighty comfort you among all the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”)
From the cemetery, the family then proceeds to the designated location for the observance of Shivah, the traditional seven-day mourning period.
